6 And Counting
September 11, 2007
The 12 Links Of Christmas Part 6
December 14, 2006
Santa needs to loose some weight. He’s a happy and jolly fellow, so what’s the big deal about him needing to shed some pounds? I’m thinking it has something to do with erectile dysfunction brought on by eating too many Christmas cookies and drinking all that whole milk.
So, since Mrs. Claus is not satisfied the way she would like, and the elves sure can’t help her out due to their “size limitations”, she’s put Santa on an exercise routine. Help him out.
The Short Version
December 2, 2006
Pulp Fiction. Quite possibly one of the best films ever made. It has everything: Violence, Drug use, Great story, Great actors, and language that would give your mother a heart attack. Here’s the short version of the film. And after reading the above, do I really need to tell you it’s not safe for work?
Just a short post to work out the bugs.
Message generator. Use the page to write a message for a Blackberry, the usual school sign, etc.
In Remembrance
May 29, 2006
May 29
Of my great-grandfather, who made it home…
And for those that did not.
…And Here I Am. The Only Linking Boy In New York.
May 26, 2006
Apologies to Simon and Garfunkel for the title.
1. This is pure genius. What better way to get people to your site, and then have them sit there listening to your music, while the “game” loads. I almost bought their CD just because I was so impressed with what they did… Well, that and the fact that Morning Wood is a great name for a band.
Trust me on this one. Click the link.
1. A wet t-shirt game? Why not?
2. A day in the life of an Airport Icon Person. Sometimes the simple stuff is the best.
The white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only.
3. Some art. This guy is a little abstract, but not having everything shaded in and pointed out for you can be a good thing. My personal favorite is #1, followed by the subtle message in #87.
4. My CD world… My seedy world? What’s in the CD player this week?
A. Simon and Garfunkel: Bridge Over Troubled Water
B. Cake: Comfort Eagle
C. Sterophonics: Step On My Old Size Nines (UK rip)
D. Super Furry Animals: Fuzzy Logic
Squirrel Talk
May 25, 2006
SQUIRRELLY WRATH!!!
I woke up yesterday to what sounded like two or three people sitting on my roof typing very fast. It was a rapid-fire sound that really did sound like people banging away on a plastic keyboard. Normally I wake up about 6:30, but the other day my eyes popped open at 6:00 thanks to the pitter-patter of probably soon to be rabid animals. It was insane; I had these miserable bastards scurrying across my roof like some demented conga line from hell.
So I pulled my ass out of bed, still not knowing what was going on. I thought it might be squirrels, but it could also be cats… And cats are just one step away from being in the same league as squirrels, so I wouldn’t have been happy no matter what was causing the racket, and them taking away the sleep I love so dearly is more than I could take. As I go out on the back patio, everything is quiet and the sun is just peeking above some of the houses. A minute later, hell breaks loose. From across the alley I hear and see branches shaking on smaller trees behind a neighbor’s fence. I was intrigued, so I watched. A few seconds later a squirrel takes a flying leap from the branch of said neighbor’s tree, and lands on top of my fence. Three other squirrels follow in quick succession.
Instead of jumping to the ground, the little plague carriers careen across the top of my fence until it meets my house. They could easily have taken a short-cut since I have a tree in the back yard that spans enough area to go from fence to house, but they seemed to behave like small children discovering the joy of a Halloween candy rush by taking the longest direction to get from wherever it was they came from, to wherever it was they were going. From the fence, all four of them make a b-line across the roof, above the area where my bedroom is, and then toward my garage. Then, they all made another flying leap that took them into my next door neighbor’s yard. I was slightly amused, but it wore off quickly enough when the same thing was repeated in reverse, and they ended up back in the neighbor’s yard behind me. I assume they were playing. However, play stopped at 6:20 when the BB gun came out and removed any doubt they needed to stay the hell off my roof so early in the morning.
I believe “Squirrelly Cuteness” is an evolutionary device used by the squirrels take our mind off their disease-ridden carcasses, and prevents us from doing what should be done… Eliminating them through bb guns, or high doses of radiation.
They shake their tail, and they scurry around, looking so happy…. Forget the evolution device… I bet rabbits taught them the tail shake. Yeah… rabbits are just as evil as squirrels… Anyway, a squirrel’s nose isn’t as large and pronounced as a rabbit’s nose, so squirrels need something large enough to be seen by a human when they come toward it with an axe raised above their head, ready to cut it up into “Deliverence Stew.” So, the squirrel flicks it’s tail, looks cute, people forget about what flea motels and disease factories they can be, and they are released from the certain death they deserve.
Squirrels are cute. There’s no denying that. But their cuteness resides in the tail. Think in terms of a gold-digger (Anna Nicole Smith) when I use the following analogy, “Old rich men are cute, but their cuteness is all in the bank account.” That didn’t come out right since I’m a straight guy, but at least you can see what I’m talking about. I’m sure some 90 year old codger can be the life of the party, but would anyone in their right mind actually sleep with them? Now ask the squirrel the same question… No, not if you would sleep with one, but would the animal still be as cute if it didn’t have a fluffy tail? Wouldn’t it be a brown rat without the furry tail? Something to think about.
One big question comes to mind… Can anyone tell me what squirrels are good for anyway? Do they serve a purpose that benefits anyone, or are they simply God’s way of saying He ran out of ideas, but had a few spare parts left over, so He took a rat and stuck the tail of a Pomeranian to its ass?
Here’s hoping the slightly cuter than rats, but nowhere near the greatness of dogs, that survived my BB gun attack, get crushed under the wheels of any car driving down my street. Squirrelly bastards…
Yo! NBA Raps? (Going Old School For That Title)
May 19, 2006
For those scratching their head on the subject line, see here.
Item 1. I’m not much of a basketball fan anymore. Although I played the game religiously as a kid, I wasn’t very good. I’m white, and was 5′11″ by the time I was in 7th grade, so that helped. But something happened about the time Michael Jordan came on the scene (1984 or so) that made me despise the game… besides than the fact that now everyone else who played the game was as tall as me, or taller, and could dribble around me like I was standing still.
Jordan was a man unlike any other, a true player with the skill to sink 3-pointers at will, take a flying jam from the top of the key, or reject whatever an opponent throw up. And he did all this without losing his composure game to game. Yes, I know there were some blow-ups, but rarely did you hear of that happening. Along with his skill, the trash followed. Maybe Jordan opened the way for true showboating, and from that point on everything went to hell in the NBA. It’s a thought.
There has always been some trash talk and bad boys in any sport, that’s just part of the machismo, but when did it become acceptable to be a one man team?: Charles Barkley yelling at refs, fans, players, or Latrell Sprewell strangling his coach, or Ron Artest and others throwing punches at fans in the stands, Dennis Rodman’s cross-dressing freak show, tattoos on almost everyone, or many others with million dollar endorsement deals, multi-million dollar contracts, and even singing rap CD deals. By the way, someone tell Shaq to go work on his free throws. He can rhyme and take acting lessons when he retires.
But, as always, the free market side of me says they have every right to get what they can from anyone that will give it to them, in exchange for the services they offer as the player of a child’s game. Everything above and beyond that is gravy for these spoiled bastards. And, being an adult playing a child’s game for a living can cause adults to have the mentality of a child. That appears to have happened with most in the NBA.
I’m picking on basketball because that’s what season it is. Come back in four months and I’ll be bitching about Terrell Owens playing for the Cowboys.
The reason for the diatribe above is to get to this: Out of the teams remaining in the playoffs, Dallas is one of the less spoiled brat teams of the league. How is that possible? It is with a grudging heart that I say thank you Mark Cuban, nerd boy extraordinaire, for putting together a team and a coach the city can be proud of.
The Dallas Mavericks are poised to finally go all the way. Can it happen? If not this year, more than likely the next. They’ve shown they can stand up to, and even beat San Antonio, most of the time.
In honor of their achievements this year, I’d like to present this praise to the Dallas Mavericks, Wigga Style:
Here’s the deal: If you’re black and can rap, I won’t listen to you. If you’re white and can rap, I still won’t listen to you, but there’s a good chance I’ll laugh at how ridiculous you look doing it. Also, put your freaking cap on straight!
Item 2. Oh yeah… What’s in the CD player this week? Hint: It’s not rap music.
A. The New Pornographers: Twin Cinema
B. Sister Hazel: Something More Familiar
C. Prince: 3121
D. Say Anything Soundtrack
E. Smokey Robinson: The Ultimate Collection
What? I Amuse You?
May 16, 2006
“What do you mean, I’m funny?…You mean the way I talk? What?…Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?…But I’m funny how? I mean, funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to f–kin’ amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How’m I funny??…How the f–k am I funny? What the f–k is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me what’s funny…”
Kill time at work. Kill goombas later. Take out your agressions with some games.
1. “What am I, a mirage? What? Where’s my f–kin’ drink? I asked you for a drink… I just asked you for a f–kin’ drink.”
Better than bouncing a bat off someone’s skull
2. “Who the f–k cares? I’ll dig the f–kin’ hole, I don’t give a f–k! What is it, the first hole I dug? First time I dug a hole, I’ll dig a f–kin’ hole. Well, where are the shovels?”
Cube Extreme. More fun than pushing ‘cement blocks’ off a pier, and into the Hudson.
3. Words have meaning. Understanding that is the first step in having meaningful conversations. That is, meaningful conversations that don’t involve the words: “Badda” “Bing” “Schifosa” “Haaayyyyy” “Yo” or “Whack.”
How ’bout some calzone, eh? Afterwords, we can go’s and whack Mickey for the ‘G’ he owes us.
A couple of links to freak out the other cube monkeys around you.
1. Show everyone you’re more than a skinny white kid from the ‘burbs. Show ‘em you gots style. Show ‘em you’re a playa by playin’ tha DJ. Better yet, go play’a in the street and leave me alone. Oh, and if you touch my record collection, I’ll make sure your arms will never be able to scratch a record, or your ass, again.
2. A while back I posted the worst video ever. You can see it here
And now there’s more frightening news… I just learned two things. One: they have more videos. And, Two: she really is a woman, and not the creepy tranny wannabe she first appeared to be. This is like a car wreck so large you just can’t take your eyes off of it… the kind that even after driving by, you continue to look in your rearview mirror to see the dead sprawled on the pavement, and wounded staggering around in a daze. Yeah… it’s something like that…. only worse.
Be sure to turn up your volume so the desk-humping trogs you work with can share in the pain. My eyes are bleeding, and I’m contemplating suicide just to get their images and songs out of my head.
Soon you will join me.
Here are the other two vids:
and
Time to clense my mind with what has been in the CD player this week:
1. Tool: 10,000 Days
2. Garbage: Version 2.0
3. Echo and the Bunnymen: Crocodiles
4. Fishbone: The Essential
5. Ben Harper: Both Sides Of The Gun
