Jennifer Aniston Is An Idjit

November 7, 2005

You’d think that a movie/television/model-type star making, what?…..a million dollars per episode on Friends?, would be a little more on the ball. I mean, she has time to save the world with dozens of charity events each month, I just figured she’d have a little time to read and understand what’s going on around her. I figured wrong. The one thing I truly love about Hollyweird elites is they really think people give a rat’s ass about them. I don’t, until they make goofy statements…. Statements that make me want to bitch-slap them.

Jen is only two years younger than I am. So, for the sake of saving our youth, I feel it is my duty to set Ms. Aniston straight, and inform her she’s an idgit.

Interview is here: Jen is an idjit

Jen: My new movie, “Derailed.” It’s a really sexy psychological thriller with Clive Owen. I had never done a thriller before. It was hard to kiss Clive, but you know what? Somebody had to do it, and that’s what they pay me for.

I’d like to be paid to be an idjit like Jen. I think that would be cool. Then I realize I have a real life, with real concerns, surrounded by real people. Hey, I got it pretty good compared to Jen’s vapidness (For Jen: Vapidness means lacking liveliness, animation, or interest, or dull.)

Jen believes she has the perfect product for the masses with her new movie. Here’s the plotline to draw you in: When two married business executives (Owen and Aniston) having an affair are blackmailed by a violent criminal, the two must turn the tables on him to save their families.

And here’s one reviewer from Canada at that sounds like something I’d write.:

This is the kind of movie that drove me out of theatres years ago. It is filled with senseless violence and immoral behaviour with no redeeming characteristics. Jennifer Annistan is subtle – like a brick. The plot is a rework of the hackneyed “con-within-a-con” that can be either funny or suspenseful but in this case is neither.

Jen: My dog, Norman. I got him from the animal trainers on “Friends”—the ones who worked with the chick, the duck and the monkey. He was an actor dog, but he was so lazy that he had a terrible reputation. He wouldn’t hit his mark. He just sat there. They said they sent his doggie head shot out and he wasn’t getting any calls.

Ok, Jen gets points here for getting a lazy dog. I’m a dog fan, so that makes her a little more acceptable… but not by much. On the plus side, the dog has also probably seen her walking around her hous(es) naked. So that’s a good thing.

Jen: I’m pegged as a crier, aren’t I? I was upset about the Vanity Fair article. I had one moment when I got emotional because I hadn’t sat down with an interviewer since this whole debacle took place. It happened for a second and then it was over. But I do cry when I watch shows about babies being born. And I can turn on “Terms of Endearment” at any point and start crying or “The Champ,” with Rick Schroder.

She sounds so cute with the answers above. Then the real Jen comes out. Below, she’s still trying to be cute, but I think you can sense just how out of touch she is.

Jen: The long-term effects of Botox. It seems like people are messing around with dangerous stuff. Look at some of the faces out there! Men age gracefully, although you’re seeing more men having plastic surgery, which is weird. Nothing is worse than a guy with an eye job and don’t think we can’t tell.

Now she’s a doctor…. Or did she just play one on TV? No. That was Joey……(Either you get that, or you don’t. I’m not explaining it)

Yes Jen, Botox® is a trade name for botulinum toxin A, AKA: Botulism, AKA: food poisoning, but maybe you better check the history before opening your yap hole. I’m not a fan of plastic surgery either, but something tells me, despite what she says now, in a few years Jenny will be off to the doctor for “help” in saving her sagging career, and sagging breasts. Anyway, Botox® was only approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for cosmetic use in April 2002, and has been approved for the treatment of several medical conditions since 1989. I think I trust the scientist and the FDA just a wee bit more than Doctor Jen when it comes to medical safety.

Jen: The state of television. Where are all the sitcoms? Why are we so obsessed with reality TV? We don’t know how to write and create good shows. I wonder if reality TV is adding to the obsession with the rag magazines that create all those soap operas with celebrities. So-and-so is scratching so-and-so’s eyes out and, oh, my God, they may meet! It’s so pathetic.

I love this the most. Jen sees her career flash before her eyes. “No more sitcoms???? Oh my, what will I do when I’m not doing movies?” Look Jen, there’s a couple of good reasons there are so many reality shows on television, so let me explain this to you. At one time, you were one of the highest paid actresses on television…. EVER. According to E! online, Courtney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, and you were making $1 million an episode for the last two seasons. Prior to that you were making over $700,000 per episode. I’m a free market guy, and I have no problem paying anyone 5 million an episode if that’s what the market will accept. But money, and the pockets and cheking accounts in which it resides, is finite. This isn’t the 80′ and 90’s anymore Jen, and nobody wants to pay television actors more money than they would make on a full length feature movie. So, you resort to “Reality” programming that requires no writers, or actors. Count yourself lucky sweetheart, you laughed all the way to the bank with one of the highest rated shows on television, lots of money, and bagged (for a time) one of the most sought after men in Hollywood.

Therein lies the point you should understand. Jen, you basically have play money. If you want to head to Europe to relax, you hire a jet, and off you go. No biggy, and I am happy you are able to do that, but it’s still play money to you. While 99.999 percent of the world’s population gets up and goes to work every day, you have the luxury to go anywhere, and do anything. Assuming you invested the money you received from 5 or 6 shows worth of Friends, you should be able to live a comfortable life. So quit complaining about what you want to see on television. If it concerns you so much, use some of that Friends money to start a production company that specializes in sitcoms.

Jen: The state of the world. How about that indictment?! And why did it take so long to respond to the crisis in New Orleans? Everything is imploding. It all seems to lead back to our dear president.

I see Jen fancies herself a political mastermind. I really don’t know where to start on this since she leaves herself wide open to be torn apart. Damn, Jen… It’s just too easy.

First: State of the world. There is no difference in the state of the world now, compared to what it was like 300 BC. People killed each other, raped each other, started wars, and died from horrible disease. Get out of your bubble every once and awhile and you may not sound like an idiot when you speak. As far as the indictment, it’s just an indictment, and means nothing until he’s proven guilty. Learn the laws of your own land, ya idjit!

Second: The New Orleans flood was a fact of nature that was bound to happen this year, or twenty years from now. Looking for someone to ultimately blame? Try a corrupt city government and police force, and an inept and poorly planned state response team led by Governor Blanco (D) of Louisiana. See here and here for a better, more concise, explanation.

Third: Everything’s imploding? Such as what? The economy is great, unemployment is low, and France is ripping itself apart because of the muslims they refused to do anything about when they had the chance. It couldn’t be better. (Burn, baby. Burn)

And the usual no-brainer liberal bugaboo: It’s Bush’s fault…. “It leads back to our dear president?” What is “it” Jen? How does “it” lead back to the president? What exactly are you talking about? You don’t know, do you? You’re simply spouting liberal talking points that can be torn apart by anyone who takes the time to educate themselves. But, based on your last statement, and judging by your glee at the Libby indictment, you must have hated the Clinton administration:

– The only president ever impeached on grounds of personal malfeasance
– Most number of convictions and guilty pleas by friends and associates (33)

(47 individuals and businesses associated with the Clinton machine were convicted of or pleaded guilty to crimes with 33 of these occurring during the Clinton administration itself. There were in addition 61 indictments or misdemeanor charges.)
– Most number of cabinet officials to come under criminal investigation
– Most number of witnesses to flee country or refuse to testify
– Most number of witnesses to die suddenly
– First president sued for sexual harassment.
– First president accused of rape.
– First first lady to come under criminal investigation
– Largest criminal plea agreement in an illegal campaign contribution case
– First president to establish a legal defense fund.
– First president to be held in contempt of court
– Greatest amount of illegal campaign contributions
– Greatest amount of illegal campaign contributions from abroad
– First president disbarred from the US Supreme Court and a state court if you want more details.

Jen: Radiohead. When are they going to make a new album? Where are they? Where did they go? I also want to know why Steve Perry left Journey.

Radiohead sounds like a dog with the skivey squirts. I don’t know what skivey squirts means, but I like how that sounds. Perry “left” Journey because Neal and Jonathan got tired of listening to him bitch and moan about the direction of the band, and were tired of him single handedly producing Raised On Radio and wanting to do the same on the next CD. Firing Ross Valory and Steve Smith didn’t win over too many fans either. And, because he f’d up plans for the Trial By Fire tour by busting his back on a mountain climb just weeks before the tour would start, and f’n up his voice too, Jonathan and Neal brought back Ross, and hired a perfect lookalike/soundalike to take over for Perry. They also got one hell of a good drummer to replace the session players used on Raised and Trial. Does that answer your question?

The conclusion to this longwinded diatribe is not just that Aniston is an idiot, it has more to do with me knowing that I may never see a million dollars in my lifetime, but I know that I have intelligence and critical thinking ability better than, oh let’s use the number I said earlier: 99.999% of the people in Hollywood. Keep talking guys, you make for good copy, and good ridicule.


9 Responses to “Jennifer Aniston Is An Idjit”

  1. Jared Smith Says:

    Dude, Your rant on Jen was one of the most pointless and hypocritical things that I have read in a while. You use big words that nobody knows and you think you are cool for it?? Your love of our wonderful economy, and our glorious leader make me laugh, or better yet snarf in my mouth.
    The fact that you know so much about Journey proves that you are in fact a dork.

    Your rant on Clinton is laughable also

    first president to lie to American people for war.

    first president to let inept local government deal with major natural disaster

    first president to speak like a 3rd grader at every public speaking event

    first president to ignore the words “Bin Laden determined to attack inside of U.S. with planes”

    first president to try to trick us in to believing Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. While Bin Laden is still free

    first president to have actually no clue how to run anything except maybe a keg party

    first president to go to Yale, then say “the jurry’s still out on the Theory of evolution.”

    the first president to destroy 200 years of international relations.

    I could go on but you get the point.

    Slick Willie gets in trouble for being frisky with the ladies.

    W gets in trouble for lying to the American public about war and then sending Americans to die, while Bin Laden is free.

    Your quote “the economy is great” and uneployment is low, is so unbelievable and just outright wrong that I might loose the will to finish this rant. We are operating in a record defecit! Gas is through the roof! State economies are bankrupt. You are small minded and it is people like you that are creating misery in this country.

  2. Damn. Another moonbat to take down. Shame there isn’t a RAID spray can for you people. Let’s take your arguments one at a time:

    The fact that you know so much about Journey proves that you are in fact a dork

    Not a dork, but I do like music; all music except rap. If you want to discuss Metallica getting rid of Dave, or Howlin’ Wolf’s contribution to pop and rock making blues more acceptable as an art form, or Waylon Jennings or Johnny Cash contributing and influencing people like Kid Rock or the Black Crowes, I’m all ears. Open your mind little man and understand that talking about one instance in the history of music makes no one a dork.

    Bush first president to lie to American people for war.

    Show me where he lied. That’s an impeachable offence. I think the dems would have been all over that. Information that was also agreed upon by Clinton, Kerry, Maddy Albright, just to name a few, was the basis for war in Iraq. Even the precious UN believed claims of WMD’s.

    Recall that full membership of the Security Council voted on November 8, 2002, to give Saddam a 30 day ultimatum to report on what he had done with the tons – that’s thousands of pounds of nerve gas and other WMDs that UN inspectors had already established he had manufactured; and Saddam failed to do so.

    Seems those in the UN against this war were countries who had private dealings with Sadam: France, Russia, etc. ad nauseum.

    first president to let inept local government deal with major natural disaster

    You are dense, aren’t you? You understand how FEMA is set up, right? Local government is always in charge during times natural disasters. Look up the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878. Maybe they have it in comic book form for you to read.

    first president to speak like a 3rd grader at every public speaking event

    I believe that’s what you call personal opinion, but I’ll agree with you about his oratory skills. Then again, that’s one reason why I like him. But that’s my personal opinion.

    first president to ignore the words “Bin Laden determined to attack inside of U.S. with planes”

    You might want to check your history on that one. Clinton had the same warning after the first Trade Center bombing by the CIA. It was a bit of guess work by them that no one took very seriously. I believe you can call that a cluster fuck at all levels in both administrations.

    first president to try to trick us in to believing Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. While Bin Laden is still free

    Considering Sadam’s regime paid families of suicide bombers, and members of his government regularly met with terrorist organizations… yeah, I guess I’d believe he would have his hand in there somewhere. Reams of intelligence ties Saddam Hussein to al-Qaeda before the war, not least including the fact that its terrorist affiliate Ansar al-Islam conducted training in northern Iraq during his reign of terror.

    Better send Joseph Wilson to investigate that one.

    first president to have actually no clue how to run anything except maybe a keg party

    I feel your pain. Those wonderful tax cuts that allow me to keep more of my money is a disturbing way to run a country. More about that and employment later. But if W’s having a kegger, I’m there.

    first president to go to Yale, then say “the jury’s still out on the Theory of evolution.”

    You do know the difference between a theory and a validated proof, right? That’s why they call it a theory. Personally, I believe in evolution as witnessed in the peppered moth. Adaptation, and survival of the fittest is a given. I also believe in creation as an explanation for life on this planet, and possibly others. Can I prove creation? No. Can you prove evolution? If so, line up for the Nobel Prize my man because you just hit the mother load of scientific endeavor.

    the first president to destroy 200 years of international relations

    What exactly did we destroy in international relations? France? Please. You wouldn’t happen to notice France and Spain getting the crap knocked out of them by Muslim extremists right now, would you? Study international relations and you’ll find there is no such thing. It’s a great racket for people who can’t find work teaching 10th grade government classes, and it’s nothing more than one country saying to another: “What can you do for me?” I honestly believe we do more than enough “relating” through our generosity as a country.

    We have never been liked as a country for longer than 20 years at a stretch. France, Japan, South Korea, Germany… The list goes on and on. Once we outlive our usefulness to another country, our “relations” are no longer welcome. That’s the price you pay for being the greatest nation on Earth, while others fume at your good fortune.

    Slick Willie gets in trouble for being frisky with the ladies

    No, Slick Willie got in trouble for lying under oath. It makes no difference to anyone if he slid it to Socks the cat.

    W gets in trouble for lying to the American public about war and then sending Americans to die, while Bin Laden is free.

    Shhhh. Osama has been captured and is in a secret government prison in Pakistan, which is why you haven’t heard from him in a year. But, as part of the Vast Rightwing Conspiracy I can’t say anymore.

    The 9/11 Commission and other inquiries have repeatedly cleared the Bush administration of charges it pressured intelligence agents to produce pro-war reports or massaged their estimates.

    Your quote “the economy is great” and uneployment is low, is so unbelievable and just outright wrong that I might loose the will to finish this rant.

    Check the unemployment figures: 5.0% in America as a whole with a steady growth in job creation. George W. Bush is laying a claim to be the President who did the best job creating jobs for blacks. Currently, black unemployment is 9.4%, which is lower than the 10% it averaged in the Clinton years. The current rate is also much lower than the average black unemployment rate over the past 30 years, which is 12.4%.

    The federal budget deficit totaled about $317 billion in fiscal year 2005. CBO estimates $96 billion less than the shortfall recorded in 2004. Correct my math if I’m wrong, but I think that’s going down.

    I don’t mind a spirited argument. That’s why I started this blog. But if you come here, you better be prepared to offer more facts than “W speaks like a 3rd grader.” Go study. I’ll wait.

  3. Richard Says:

    Nice retort to the mental midget, Jared. It’s always amusing to see morons like that throw out the DU talking points and try to pass it off as facts. Big words? Anyone who has a high school diploma would have understood everything you wrote. I guess that explains Jared’s educational background.

    The economy IS cooking! Near record low unemployment, great corporate earnings, record home ownership. Yes we are running at a deficit, but that is sometimes necessary when you are conducting a war. It is also in the process of being reduced, as you mentioned. Economics lesson for Jared: A governmental deficit is NOT a measure of the health of the economy, it is a problem that could eventually slow down this booming economy so it needs to be addressed. What are they teaching these kids in school now days???!! Jared, go back to your dorm and get ready for your next anti-war protest. And while you’re at it, take an economics class or two. Also, when you attempt to make an arguement, use facts.

  4. Richard Says:

    BTW, did you check out monkey-boy’s blog. Inane BS! Check out his attempt at a political discussion on 11/2. I also find it amusing that he derives some sort of deep, spiritual meaning from The OC.

    “Filmmaker” from LA. That’s all you need to know.

    I do have to give him props for his love of Family Guy though. Maybe Family Guy will be the impetus that brings the right and left together?? Or not.

  5. Richard Says:

    “Dude”, I’m sorry, do you think the word impetus might confuse Jared?

  6. Richard,

    Dude, I’m gonna hafta link on my site, so others can, like, you know, look words up, and like understand me and stuff, ya know?

    On the other hand I’ll give you the example of Family Guy as a catalyst for changing left/right relations.

    Were those words too big?

  7. salsagrl44 Says:

    This post has been removed by the author.

  8. Salsagirl, You shouldn’t have removed your comment… Oh wait, I have it:

    What is wrong with you? Jennifer Aniston is one of the most intellegent people I have ever met and you speak down to her like a child. She could out smart you anyday.
    Posted by salsagrl44 to Rooster Cashews at 12/12/2005 03:17:17 PM

    To which I give a hearty laugh. Salsa, believe it or not, I like her. I’m sure she can carry on a conversation, but suggesting that a highschool graduate who makes a living (a very good living) out of remembering scripted lines would outsmart me, makes you seem quite delusional.

    That’s not meant as a slam. Just don’t put so much fan adulation into your admiration for her. You came close, but pulled away in time, because you almost sounded like Jared in his comments above.

    It sucks to sound stupid, but Jared shows he’s accepting of his vocabulary limitations.

  9. coffee fiend Says:

    Jennifer Aniston is all the rage right now

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