Brain Farts

February 9, 2006

1. Not just gay, but really Gay. Like Brokeback Mountain in a San Francisco bath house gay. Safe for work, but dude, face it, the spandex combined with the receding-hair mullet used as reigns by your lover, indicates you might just be gay.

2. I really want to be married some day. Then I read this. Being old, bitter, and single doesn’t sound too bad, does it?

3.1415 Not so long ago Stephen King had a musical made from his first book Carrie. Carrie the musical left me with a burning question: Why?

What… you were expecting some deep philosophical question exploring the psychological boundaries between a religiously demented mother and her telekenetic daughter?

While I never saw it, or heard the songs, I’m thinking Carrie was supposed to be a dark musical like Phantom of the Opera. Phantom has sex appeal and a strong musical score. Carrie has tampons and pig blood. Anyone else see a difference?

Sometimes it’s best to leave things alone. Someone (Stephen King, the local union behind the stage lighting, or maybe the director) missed the genetic programming memo saying it would be a bad idea to do a musical version of Carrie. It’s a shame nobody was there to shoot them so they couldn’t continue.

(EDIT): I just found this review and thought I’d post some “critical analysis.”

Based on Stephen King’s best-selling horror novel and subsequent hit film, the stage version was so weak that experienced producers refused to touch it….

As New York previews dragged on, theatergoers reacted with either silent shock or loud catcalls of rage. A tiny but vocal minority cheered it on, feeding false hopes. By combining an incoherent script, tacky special effects, hideous choreography and lyrics like “Kill the pig, pig, pig,” Carrie set a new standard for “bad.”

Lightning appears to have struck twice with bizarre ways to dupe financial backers of musicals, because there was also a Silence of the Lambs musical. I’ll let the songs from the production speak for what I’m sure is a quality presentation. #’s 2 and 6 must have brought down the house.

1. Silence of the Lambs* – The Lambs
2. If I Could Smell Her Cunt – Dr. Lecter
3. Are You About a Size 14? – Buffalo Bill
4. Quid Pro Quo – Clarice and Dr. Lecter
5. It’s Me! – Dr. Lecter and the Police
6. Put the Fucking Lotion in the Basket – Buffalo Bill and Catherine
7. We’re Goin’ In – The FBI, Buffalo Bill and Clarice
8. In the Dark with a Maniac – Clarice, Buffalo Bill and Catherine
9. Silence of the Lambs* (Reprise and Finale) – The Lambs, The FBI, Clarice and Dr. Lecter

If you buy the Cd (available at the website), you get a bonus track not included in the musical called: I’d Fuck Me – Buffalo Bill and Catherine.

(My check is in the mail for two copies.)


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