The Weekend Stuff

February 10, 2006

1. There was once a preacher who not only spoke to God, but God spoke to others through him… On television. He’s still around on the BET cable channel at 3 in the morning. At least I think he is, after one night of sleepless channel surfing.

The original Smilin’ Bob

A little background: Robert Tilton, or “Brother Bob” as he was known around town, had a good size church in a city outside Dallas. Word of Faith (the name of the church) and Success N Life (his television show) went national in the late 80’s. By the early 90’s Bob was disgraced by a news report showing his lifestyle didn’t exactly parrallel God’s idea of a good and honest life. He was shown as a fraud. (who wudda thought it?) Basically the guy was stealing money, buying houses and cars, and pretty much being as un-Christian as you could be without being a muslim.

Around 1990 a video started making the rounds of the bars and colleges that I assume was made here in Dallas. It was a smaller world back then. This video showed dear brother Bob in all his flatulent charismatic glory. I know you’ve seen them before, but one more time won’t hurt. Both videos 56K friendly.

2. Do not taunt Happy SmartKlamp!!!!

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy SmartKlamp.

Caution: Happy SmartKlamp may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy SmartKlamp Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

My entire penis just retracted inside my body and snuggled up next to my intestines because of this site.

3. I don’t know what it is. I don’t want to know what it is. But I believe I am going to have nightmares from this. I also believe in hell, and something tells me this is what it will be like.

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