Handfarts And Catapults And Peeps. Oh My!

April 14, 2006

It is Good Friday. And for those of us who run our own business, at least our own side of the business, that means we do not take a break. However, it is important to remember why this day (and weekend) is celebrated. So, remember the why first, before biting into the chocolate.

“Must kill Sarah Connor”

Rabbits are evil little bastards.

1. Happy Easter. The use of puns on this site is enough to make you sick. Kind of like how you feel after eating a Peep for Easter.

Peeps are made of people!!!!!

Here’s a few items to work on over the long weekend so you’ll be ready for “Cube World” on Monday.

2. Things to freak out the cube monkey that works with you. Cut ‘em, paste ‘em, leave ‘em on your desk. I have my own office, so I don’t have to worry about dealing with the proletariat. But I do keep a “Papercut of Death” on my desk.

Bow down before the Inner Party and his creepy posterboard cutouts, prole!

3. Also good for inter-office problems: desk-sized catapult…. Or, a trebuchet, for you word nazis.

Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time

4. How about one for your watch?

Run away!!!!!

What? Is this some kind of poor man’s attempt at a James Bond gadget?

Anyway, the above item is perfect for those boring meetings you must sit through that are gut-wrenching, sleep-inducing, liturgies of corporate crap, conducted by mid-level management, desparately striving and hoping to make retirement age before they are “released from their duties as a restructuring effort,” without a clue how the real world works. I really wouldn’t know, since I work for myself. But I do have quite a few friends who are beaten down to the point of taking their own lives that have said falling asleep in your chair does happen at meetings they are required to attend.

The all day meetings are the worst. So they say. The desire to hang yourself by the neck from the light fixtures almost becomes too great during the droning sales pitch on how they should feel proud of their company and its desire to see a tighter bottom line. I almost feel sorry for them. Then I laugh.

5. Hand-farts. Yep… Hand–farts. Download and play the vids on your computer at work. I’m sure the desk jockey next to you would appreciate this while he’s on the phone with an important client. Crank that volume!

Pull my finger? No! Squeeze my hand


2 Responses to “Handfarts And Catapults And Peeps. Oh My!”

  1. My Mom can do hand farts. It TOTALLY creeps me out.

  2. She should teach you. Kind of a mother/daughter bonding thing like a dad teaching his son to burp on command.

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