We’re From The Government And We’re Here To Help

April 16, 2006

If you ever hear the subject line spoken in your vacinity… Run. Don’t get me wrong. I love this country, but hate taxes. So in an effort to make your tax day a little better I offer you some random income tax musings.

1. Jokes always seem to go over well with the I.R.S. Tell them this one and see if they laugh.

A young hotshot gets a job with the IRS. His first assignment is to audit old rabbi.

He thinks he’ll have a little fun with the old rabbi, so he says, “Rabbi, what do you do with the drippings from the candles?”

The rabbi says, “We send them to the candle factory, and every once in awhile they send us a free candle.”

The kid says, “And what do you do with the crumbs from your table?”

The rabbi says, “We send them to the matzo ball factory, and every once in a while they send us a free box of matzo balls.”

The kid says, “And what do you do with the foreskins from your circumcisions?”

The rabbi says, “We send them to the IRS, and every once in a while they send us a little prick like you.”

2. You could take your money and run to a Caribbean island and set up shop as a pirate. The site is really for kids, but I actually learned a few things. Drag your cursor over the skull and crossbones for the answer.

Aarrrrrggg!!!!

3. You can take your refund and set up a meth lab. Fun. Excitement. Good profit potential. And the possibility of a large explosion from Cletus mixing the wrong chemicals. The downside is you have to move to a mobile home set on 3 acres in the middle of nowhere.

Say Cheese… That is, if you have any teeth left.

4 Just who runs this country anyway?

A. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

B. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

C. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

D. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country
but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like
their statistics shown in pie charts.

E. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the
country
— if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have to leave
Southern California to do it.

F. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

G. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s
running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat
on the train.

H. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the
country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while
intoxicated.

I. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country
but need the baseball scores.

J. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there
is a country … or that anyone is running it; but, if so, they oppose
all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders
are Handicapped, minority, feminist, dwarfs, who also happen to
be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided, of course,
that they are not Republicans.

K. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
grocery store or those that live in trailers. (Must be meth lab owners)

5. Waiting for Tax Freedom Day. That pirate gig is starting to look pretty good.

Freedom!!!!

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2 Responses to “We’re From The Government And We’re Here To Help”

  1. Uber Says:

    The tax day joke is pretty good, I’d love to pass it along to someone in the IRS (although running and hiding is a close runner up)! ;)


  2. Don’t know if you will see this or not, but it’s good to have you back.


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