Believe Me When I Say That I’ve Got Some-(links) For His Punk Ass

April 18, 2006

With apologies to Sublime for the subject line.

“Spring. A time of rebirth… A time of births. A time of tabloids (Tom Cruise jokes about eating his wife’s girlfriend’s alien pod carrier’s placenta)…


Cruise’s Placenta Fixins

Britney, Katie, Gweneth… knocked up and freaky like sea cows at the National Aquarium. The joys of motherhood… and burping? Next on Geraldo At Large.”



1. For those who have not seen it: The Britney Spears sculpture of her giving birth on all fours, tastefully on a bear skin rug. (Sorta safe for work. It is a sculpture after all)

Feel free to sing along…
Oops. I’m on a bear skin… Birthing is not art. Get lost, I’m in pain… Oh baby, baby…

Make up the rest of the song on your own for the link above. My head hurts from simply looking up the lyrics to find something that rhymes.

2. Whoa! A rear view of the sculpture. This probably isn’t safe for work. I’m sure birth is a beautiful experience, but I don’t need this.

…Baby one more time? No!!! Never again. Someone stop her before she creates a race of super white-trash that take over the world, forcing us to listen to mindless music all the time!

3. The perfect gift for Brit, Kat, and Gwen, and their respective brood. And, am I the only one who thinks Katie is on some strange mind control drug, and is in reality birthing the anti-Christ?

Anyway, get the new mom a “playpen” where she knows her child will be safe from the prying eyes of the paparazzi.

It’s a death cage match between Apple Paltrow and Sean Preston “Cletus” Spears


4. Warning in advance: #4 is not safe for work. This link has nothing to do with spring except the weather is warmer, (101 today) and people can wear less. So, why not celebrate the art of…. topless burping? At least they’re not eating their placenta.

I like a girl who can throw down with the guys, but this makes no sense to me at all.

Brrraaaaaappppp

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