I Just Killed An Orc

November 20, 2006

I have a friend who went out and bought World of Warcraft for his son the other day. I shouldn’t be making fun of him… and I’m not… but it just got me thinking about old-school games and general nerdiness of locking yourself away for hours at a time playing video games. Of course the most obvious thing to do here is go off on the old man tangent of “When I was young…” But I’m not going to do that… too much.

I don’t remember walking uphill both ways to school, in snow, even in summer, but I remember playing games on green monochrome screens where your players were either represented as an “X” or you told your character what to do with a series of prompts like: “Open door” or “Pick up.” Fast forward 15 years and the original Warcraft comes out, along with others like Diablo, that had graphics and sound that would blow you away. And you could now play online… with a dial-up connection. I had fun. I enjoyed wasting hours getting bumped off line, having serious lag time between when I wanted to move somewhere and how long it took the server to respond, and using hacked items to be a bad ass. Best of all… It was free to play online! I don’t begrudge people making money, but it will now cost $15 a month to play W.O.W. online? I don’t think so.

So for all the nerds who remember old school games fondly, I offer the following links:

1. You know you’ve been playing W.O.W. too long when your wife tells you the washing machine pleasures her better than you:

http://www.dominicwilcox.com/orgasmatron.html

2. Instead of playing video games, why not put your mind to work and find out how much beer is in the average keg. Nerds have some strange obsession with knowing about the most obtuse items. The site below proves it.

http://www.cockeyed.com/inside/keg/keg.html

Main site is http://www.cockeyed.com/inside/howmuchinside.html

While I appreciate the information contained at the site above, someone needs to let one girl know the Betty Page look went back out of style one year after Pulp Fiction was released. Thanks.

3. And since I always post a game, why not make this one a learning experience for the nerds. Science would have been more fun if taught this way. E=MC rock and roll.

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/crappy_flash_games.php?gamename=swinger2

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